A Nice Welcome Home

I went for a run this morning through the surrounding neighborhoods, and on turning a corner I got chased half-way down the street by a tiny lady trying to sell me cigarettes. It's my own fault though, as I was jogging through the Cheap Cigarette District.

Oh how I love Hanoi.

Last week I was sitting at the Bia Hoi with my buddy Tony talking about life, and trying to put in words why we loved this crazy city so much. We look back to the street where a moped had just clipped a little old lady carrying about twenty kilos of oranges in baskets connected to a bamboo pole balanced over her shoulder. As her and her pointy grass hat goes flying, Tony looks over: "It's the chaos of it all. The beautiful chaos." I couldn't have said it better myself.

Getting settled is a lot harder than I imagined it might be. For example, I've been in my apartment almost a week and still don't know if I have an address and am not sure where to put my trash once the bin is full. Even though the apartment came "furnished" there are still a few crucial items I want, like a table. So the logical thing for me to do was go down to the Table District.

Here in Hanoi, if you're looking for anything, it's best just to figure out where the "District" is, because once you find it, there will be seventeen different shops on one street selling the exact same thing. I live, hilariously, in between the Welcome Mat District and the Maternity Dress District and yes, it IS the greatest street in the world. There are exactly twelve stores that sell the same ten welcome mats. I'm not sure if anyone has thought to mention that it might be a bit more profitable if they were to spread out around the city, because they certainly haven't figured this out for themselves. Perhaps the government allocates this space specifically for welcoming purposes. Perhaps this is newest form of the Communist Regime, to make all pregnant women get to this specific location so they can be dressed suitably. Whatever the reason, if there is one, I absolutely love it, and my favorite area is the Colorful Buttons and Ribbons District. Go figure.

My friend Peter swears there's a Prosthetic Leg District, but I think he's lying...

I love that this city makes absolutely no sense, and still functions.
I love that I am daily surprised by cultural differences, which keeps me on my toes.
I love Welcome Mats.
What else could a girl want?

Thrill-Seekers Anonymous

Nothing could have possibly prepared me for the moment when I got milked by a four year old this morning. Nothing. What an oddly normal ending to a fantastically strange week.

Today we learned about animals. As it was nearing the end of the hour, we roared like lions, flew like bats, clucked like chickens, purred like cats, barked like dogs, and mooed like cows. These games are great because they are beneficial to the kids and wear them out, plus it's very entertaining for me and it kills five minutes of time. I took a moment to get up from my "cow" position to check on everyone, when I feel small hands on my stomach. Looking down I find my favorite kid, Mai Chi, pretending to milk me. The Vietnamese teacher sees this at the same time and we simultaneously burst into hysterical fits of laughter. This brings the kids to start laughing, and we kill another five minutes. Score!

I have learned that the average 3-5 year old has an attention span for 4.5 minutes. That means I have to have something new, fun and different to do every five minutes. That's a lot of singing and dancing; I am usually left for dead at the end of the class, too exhausted to move. I'm having a great time though.

Me teaching children English is just one of the oddities that currently makes up my life. Public transportation is another. Here in Hanoi I take a Xe Om to work, which is a moped-taxi. I could not possibly describe a Xe Om ride, except to compare it to that movie 'Final Destination', where the guy cheats Death and then Death goes looking for them. Apparently Death has never been to Viet Nam, or has recently misplaced his passport. The first fear-gripping ride should have been my last, but one gets bored of near-death experiences after a while, so I take them to work and back every day and am on the lookout for new thrills.

Enter: My new apartment. Nickname: "The Fridge".
It's hard to explain, except to say I'm living in a standard Vietnamese tree-house. Yes, that makes sense. Basically what it comes down to is complete insanity, which is why I immediately took it. I have a five story apartment, each floor measuring to about six square meters of hilarity, all of this connected by a series of M.C. Escher-esque ladders. I also have two refrigerators (one that works, one that holds my teaching books), two TV's I'll never use, a reading/yoga/meditation room, and a washing machine on my balcony. I'm sure that there was a family of fifteen living here before me, but I'm quite content with my new-found haven, all for the low low cost of two hundred dollars a month!

Now I just have to figure out how to get down the ladders at seven a.m. without breaking my neck, which I guess, is just a part of my new thrill-seeking nature.


***My good friend Adrian Hartwell just brought to attention that tomorrow is the anniversary of Martin Luthor Kings assasination. I would just like to take a moment to honor a man who inspired a nation, improved the world through his words, and loved with an open heart. May his memory never fade.

Saving The World

Last Saturday the power was shut off at the Hanoi Backpackers Hostel from 8:30-9:30 p.m. to make a statement supporting Earth Hour. Although Hanoi was not technically participating in the world event to curb energy waste, it felt good to take part in something that is bringing awareness to the masses about the realities of global warming.

The world needs a Band-aid. No need to worry though, because I've solved the worlds problems. Again. Yesterday I talked to my friend Adam in Birmingham who says there are two million unemployed people in England. Two million! I sat down, drink in hand, and pondered.

I'm confused because I have just gotten two jobs and am now feeling a bit greedy. I'm still in Hanoi, Viet Nam, and today is my first day of work. My official job description is "Teaching Five Year-Olds How To Sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." I know what you're thinking...."Rachel hates children." Well, I don't hate children, they just scare the living crap out of me.

The Vietnamese are ravenous for English teachers. I have no experience, no diploma, no training, and my only real qualification being that my skin is white. (My second job is teaching a month-long workshop on traditional Cuban style Salsa dancing at a dance studio, which I am qualified to do.) Viet Nam is a rapidly developing country, and speaking English is the way forward for them. It is impossible to sit in the park for less than ten minutes without someone walking up to ask if they can practice their English, and I am more than happy to help. I truly believe that every day it is increasingly more important to speak more than one language, as that's what connects us all in the end. I can't think of a better gift to give a child, plus they're paying me twenty American dollars an hour! Cash! To play with toys! Sweet.

Rachel's Plan to Curb Unemployment and Help the World (please keep an open mind):

To all of you unemployed Americans, Canadians, English, Irish, Welsh, Scottish, Australian and New Zealanders: Come to Asia. No, I'm actually serious. Think about it:
-Low cost of living and a high salary.
-When will anyone else pay you twenty dollars an hour for being completely unqualified except for being born in a country whose language they want to learn?
-It would cost more to stay unemployed, or at a low-paying job you hate, and having to pay more for living in your country, when here in Asia they are begging for "teachers".
-Korea, China, Viet Nam, Thailand and Malaysia are offering big bucks for anyone willing to help.
-Did I mention you get to play with toys?

Let's do the math, get a calculator if you must. I'll do this in American dollars because that's what they pay here.
$20 an hour x 3 hours a day= $300.
$300 x 4 weeks= $1,200 a month/ 900 Euros/ 850 Pounds/ 1,750 Australian Dollars

That is only working fifteen hours a week. Full time is way more, and if you have a degree from Uni, any degree, or teaching experience, they pay more. Considering a meal on the street is thirty cents and a nice one in a restaurant is three dollars, the cost of living here is way below our norm, and the possibility, probability, of saving money here is fantastic! I am a genius! The only thing to do now is to uproot yourself from the society you've always known, throw your TV out the window, and set out on an adventure I cannot tell you the end of. I will only say that it will be one of the best things you will ever do, plus you get to live in Asia!

But that's not human nature, so I doubt anyone will take my great advice into account, which saddens me. If more people listened to vagabond hippies we wouldn't need to bring attention to our global problems by turning off the lights of the Eiffel Tower! People would already know! Now I'm getting a bit carried away, so I'm going to sit back and take a nice, deep breath.

I understand that for most people it is not easy to uproot and that I am a freak of nature. Instead of preaching the wandering ways, I will simply offer advice, information, and perhaps a nudge in a direction that might be very new and different. If anyone is interested, or perhaps is considering the possibility, please do not hesitate to ask. I have gathered an odd assortment of knowledge on the inner workings of acquiring jobs in other countries and would love to help if I can. Or you can check out www.newhanoian.com and see how many jobs there are for yourself.

I think I'm going to go buy a cape.
Adam Fumagalli, I expect to see you here in less than a week.