How Many Ecuadorians Does It Take To Turn On A Light?

Yesterday we checked into a grotty little hostel in Quito, Ecuador. A few hours before sunset I look up and realize that I have no light switch. I have the plate that guards all the wires and screws, but no physical switch. Just a hole. I walk down stairs and talk to the two managers, Jose and Carlos. Jose is in his sixties, about four feet tall, constantly smiling, and once told me that he was the King of the Americas: North, Central and South. Carlos is much younger, much taller, and everyday he wears a suit jacket, slacks, and rainbow flip flops.

How To Change A Light In Ecuador

Step 1: Put your finger in the open hole to make sure there's no running electric current, and to see if there's a way to get it to work without having to fix it.

Step 2: Swear colorfully as you chip off the paint from the screws that have been there twenty-odd years.

Step 3: Once the plate comes off put some electric tape around the loose wires.

Step 4: Once you realize that you need those wires for the new plate, take off the tape and shock yourself. Then push the wires into their respective holes.

Step 5: At this point you will realize that you have bought the wrong plate, and that there is no way to connect it to the wall. Take a screw, hold it with a pair of scissors, and burn the end using a lighter. Once hot, try to burn a hole through the thick plastic plate. Try again. And again.

Step 6: Once you have failed, pick up your electric tape, tape the switch to the wall, and walk away. Done! You have successfully changed a lightswitch in Ecuador!

I'd be lying if I said Ecuador wasn't a weird country, but maybe that's why we like it so much here. It's way more tranquillo than Colombia, much cheaper, and clean. For those of you who have never been to Latin America before, you might not understand how amazing CLEAN can be. The large majority of Cetral and South America is covered with trash, every road littered to the extent that it makes you sick. Common practice is to throw your trash out the window of the bus when you are finished with it. Mostly this is due to education, or lack thereof, on the subject. Sadly, most people just don't know that throwing your trash on the ground is bad for the environment, pollutes the city, and makes it a worse place to live. I'm not saying that burying it under the ground is a viable solution, but at least we're not walking around in our own filth. Ecuador, by comparisson to its neighbors, is spotless.

Quito, which has a bad reputation outside of Ecuador, is a beautiful capital city of 2.2 million people. There are massive, clean, well-kept public parks all over the city, a great transportation system, a stunning Centro Historico with sprawling plazas and elegant cathedrals. In 2011, Quito was voted Cultural Capital of the Americas. The city center also boasts twenty-seven churches, monasteries and convents, twenty-three plazas and monuments, thirty-four museums, ten cultural centers, and seven theaters. Surrounded by mountains, it's about 9,000 feet above sea level, and for the first few days you will feel constantly out of breath. Sweet little indiginous ladies walk around in delicately embroidered skirts, white blouses, a colorful shall, and for some reason, a fedora. Children laugh and run after pidgeons.

Oh, and when you ask for a cafe con leche (coffee with milk) you'll get a steaming hot cup of milk and a perfume vial of espresso for you to pour in at your leisure.

I Have A Dream

I'm currently reading a book entitled "Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings." The author, Rob Brezsny, calls for me to read Martin Luthor King's "I have a Dream" speech and then write my own. Although nowhere near as eloquent, I will try to harness Dr. King's passion and fervor to state my own dreams for this world. Also, I fully encourage you to write your own and send it back to me.

If you would like to first read the original, click here: http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

I'll also include an excerpt from "Pronoia":
"I have a dream that we will take everything we need and give everything we have. We'll be both selfish altruists and generous braggarts, libertarian socialists and capitalist humanitarians. That'll be the law in the New Earth-different from the Old Earth, where you can blindly serve your own interests or devote yourself to the needs of others, but not both."

I Have A Dream

We all have dreams for our world. Some I see in the bright, optimistic future and others are so close I can smell them. Some dreams can even be a reality today, in this great year of Two-thousand and twelve, if we are willing to fight for them.

I have a dream that all children of all countries will be able to read and write, with an opportunity for further education and a degree from a University, if they so choose.

I have a dream that World Leaders will rise up past the bureaucracy and start living up to their promises and their people's expectations. That they will find the poorest person in their country and walk a day in their shoes. They will no longer be able to accept money from large corporations with greedy agendas. They will no longer stand by while their government takes money from its people, while their banks print money illegally and separate families from their homes. They will know the difference between capitalism and totalitarianism, socialism and communism, democracy and tyranny.

I have a dream that all borders will disappear and people will be able to see the world, provide for their families and not feel the chains of an invisible line in the sand. I dream that the United States will make all illegal aliens rightful citizens who have been living there over three years, which enables them to pay taxes, contribute to their community and send their children to school. Free language schools will enable our new, hard-working, tax-paying citizens to integrate into society and better themselves.

I have a dream that siesta time will spread to all countries, and from 12:00-2:00pm the world shall know peace by the sound of silence (in their different time zones, of course.) In the future it will be illegal to work over five days a week and mandatory vacation time will be instated for employees by their employers.

I have a dream that coffee planters, sweatshop workers and rice paddy farmers will someday be paid fairly for their hard, back-breaking labor. This can be done today if we stand up as one and refuse to buy cheap, ill-gotten/stolen food, garments, diamonds, etc. Look into Fair Trade and find out which companies are playing by the rules and decide for yourself who you would support. (www.fairtrade.net)

I have a dream that people will realize that all religions are basically the same and stop killing their neighbors over a disagreement of interpretation. The Pope will no longer be asked for political advice that he knows nothing of, and will also receive a tax audit. If he complains, he will be held accountable for thousands of deaths. I also dream that people will stop worshiping materialism and return to the natural splendor Mother Nature graces us with every day.

I have a dream that Burning Man will become a year-long festival that all people can afford and enjoy. I dream that someday the word "hippie" will be synonymous with positive strength, blissful magnetism and energetic integrity. Men in suits will no longer be afraid to frolic in fields of posies without being judged, and individuals will be cherished for exactly what they are: Individual.

I have a dream to introduce teaching morality in schools. Children receive no direction in this if they are not taught at home, which is all too often the case. I dream that parents will start taking an interest in their children's education, because they are the future and the future starts now. Art, poetry, music and singing will be taught equally with math, science, grammar and history, not just as an elective. Sex education will be re-instated in the South, instead of teaching abstinence, which they currently do in Texas. All those in favor of teaching abstinence in public schools will receive a chastity belt for their "services" to humanity.

I have a dream that it will be illegal for the government to continue to control the media; what we call the "Free Press." The First Amendment seems to have disappeared in this Land of the Free, and I would call that the journalists recently jailed for publishing the truth be released. Fox News will have to close its doors with these new laws, and the watered-down tripe the American public receives will be rejuvenated with Actual World Events. In addition, good news will be reported in equal measure with the bad.

I have a dream in zero tolerance of racism, sexism, rape, bigotry, police brutality, and accordions. People are people, we are all made of the same atoms, blood cells and water, no matter our sex, skin color, or who we love. Same sex marriages will be legal, and all opposed will also wear chastity belts for their stupidity and close-mindedness. Police brutality and those charged with assault will be punished by forced encampment at a Rainbow Gathering until they've calmed down. Same goes for accordion players.

I have a dream that all McDonalds will have to close on the grounds that they are directly responsible for world obesity, ruining hundreds of thousands of small businesses, and the selling of chemicals labeled "food." I dream that people will start paying attention to what they put inside their bodies, instead of chemicals that look like food, taste like food and smell like food but in fact, are not food. While I'm on the subject, cigarettes will also be illegal once the companies are no longer allowed to pay off the government and the FDA, on the basis of willingly addicting and killing millions without flinching. Marijuana will of course be legalized as a medical substitute to overpriced drugs that only the rich can now afford.

I have a dream that people will take themselves less seriously, live their lives to the fullest, and love openly. I wait for a future filled with silliness and adventure, remembering that we have but one life to live and that this is no dress rehearsal. I invite you to laugh at yourself before anyone else can, wear funny hats, kiss your children and hug your neighbors. This is my dream for a better tomorrow.

"Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back." - Dr. Martin Luthor King

Soup For Breakfast

The man stared at me like I was insane.
"Really?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied, smiling.
"Really??" he asked again, shocked.
"It's true," I said. "In America we don't eat soup for breakfast."

The rest of the conversation consisted of me explaining what Americans might eat for breakfast. As I listed off different options like eggs, toast, assorted meat products, cereal, fruit, coffee, he stood there listening and shaking his head. At the end of my little speech he decidedly told me that what I wanted to order wasn't good and that he would bring out a better breakfast. My multiple attempts to explain that I was a vegetarian fell on deaf ears as he had never heard of one before. Pete's addition to all of this was to laugh quietly and drink his cup of warm cinnamon tea. What came after was a simple Colombian breakfast of two bowls of soup, one potato and one an unidentifiable meat soup, a giant platter of rice, beans, avocado, plantains, yuca, bread, and the biggest slab of meat I have seen in a long time. So we sat at a cafe in Yopal, Colombia and had soup for breakfast.

Colombia has been a wonderful surprise in so many ways, even though we're back in that world I know so well with undrinkable tap water, cold showers and no flushing the toilet paper. Yet everywhere we go I feel safe and secure. The people are some of the friendliest in the world, if not some of the strangest. I feel that about 95% of what I knew about Colombia before getting here was completely wrong so here are some things you might not know about this great country:

1. Colombia is the fastest growing economy in South America. The reason it is still a bit untapped is mainly due to the old Pablo Escobar stigma, but if you're looking for a great trip at a reasonable price, hurry and get here before they build a Disney World.

2. Everything is sold in bags. Water, Coca Cola, milk, coconut milk, ketchup, mayonnaise, pasta sauce, and of course soup. I have been searching for beer in a bag, but so far my efforts are in vain. Aguardiente, the local hard liquor, is sold in juice boxes. Coffee is served in shot glasses. Obviously.

3. I am convinced that you must be beyond medical help in order to drive buses in Colombia. I have taken a fair few scary rides around this world, but Colombia might take the cake as they all seem to be in a hurry. There's nothing quite like overtaking a giant truck labeled PELIGRO in big, red letters with a skull under it whilst on a blind corner of a narrow mountain path in a thick fog when it's raining that gives your heart a chance to remind you that it's still there.

4. Although the climate is perfect for growing chili peppers, the food is quite mellow and filling instead of spicy. Tamal, similar to the Mexican tamales, is a staple food wrapped in a banana leaf and usually consists of meat, corn, potato or yuca. As per usual, I carry a small bottle of hot sauce in my purse to bring up the temperature whenever we eat out.

5. Only drug dealers speak English. Now I have only found this in Cartagena, the tourism capital of Colombia, and it's really annoying. Unfortunately, it's true. In three weeks I have only met a handful of Colombians that spoke English, but as soon as we arrived in Cartagena we were followed constantly by young boys who could probably be putting their education to a better use, especially at 9 a.m.

6. I'll never go back to box juice ever again. Ever. It's not juice. It's fresh squeezed or nothing from now on. You can buy a massive cup of juice squeezed right in front of you for about a dollar. Pete and I try to get a big glass every day.

7. The police are awesome. Even ten hours off the tourist track in tiny little towns there are two police officers on every corner. It's comfortable, it's helpful and it's bringing Colombia up and up. It's a nice, friendly presence not designed as a fear tactic but as a safety net. Never would I walk up to a police officer in America willingly. Or England. Or Europe for that matter. That guilty feeling comes up, like you're doing something wrong even though you're not. Here I walk up to them all the time, ask directions and even have conversations about life. They are really welcoming and I think this is what has really turned Colombia around in the last fifteen years. May I also state that there is a clear difference between fear and respect, and I feel that those lines have become blurry in the western world, and help no one.

Currently we're in Medellin, the second biggest city in Colombia, and the home of the most expensive metro line ever built. This is probably due to siesta time. Today Pete is at the skate park with his BMX that we travel with and practicing his Spanish. I'm sitting in the shade listening to a girl sing and play her guitar, but soon I'll be off the see the history museum. We'll hold the fort down until you can get here, wherever here may be.