Enter the Texan

Written 9-9-08

I wanted to email everyone before the world ended.

I don't know if anyone's been reading the news, but apparently the Swiss have built this 17 mile-long underground machine that will simulate the Big Bang. And they want to turn it on tomorrow. England, being the tabloid capitol of the world, is filled with doomsday prophecies of it creating a black hole and sucking up the world slowly from the Swiss-France border. That means I'm screwed and the Kiwis will be the last to survive.

Personally I agree with the Mayans that the world will end December 23rd, 2012, and on that day I'll be in Guatemala with them. Until then, I won't hold my breath to much. This insane tabloid media is one of the many things I love in England, among other quirks.

For example, the tube, the Underground. I was on it the other day, and it was packed so full you could barely breathe, and this guy decided that he can make it on, even though there's another right behind this one. Inevitably half of his body gets smashed in the closing doors. The conductor, on seeing this through all the cameras littered around London, opens the doors and yells at him over the intercom, then closes the doors again and smashes him again! So 1. this man was in such a hurry that he couldn't wait 30 seconds, thus preventing the accident. 2. the conductor smashed the guy twice on purpose probably just because he was having a bad day. 3. no one did anything. i was frozen in fear in my seat, but people were ignoring the incident, as usual. No one looks at each other in the tube. No one touches each other in the tube. I had a dance party with my friend Adrian in the tube once, simply to make an idiot of myself in public and thrown them off, but no, I was surprised. No one flinched or gave away any indication that something was off in their stuffy, uncomfortable world. I was amazed.

So unable to spread cheer in the tube, I have turned to my pub. Oh yes, I got a job in a pub in Camden called the Oxford Arms, and yes, I live upstairs. North London is a fun place, and Camden is very much like Austin. There's a giant market, lots of crazy clothing shops and tattoo parlors...you see where I'm going with this. I really like my pub but it's a little strange being back. I'm trying to re-learn the English-Irish-Scottish venacular which is always challenging, while I have been forced to say "y'all" at least 20 times. I was also asked yesterday if my father is Clint Eastwood.

The only response I could muster was "No, but that's my horse's name."