So Much To Say

Written 28-11-08

I really wanted to write to you about Scotland. About the beautiful architecture, the flowing rivers of scotch, the haggis and black pudding I ate, Edinburgh Castle, the music and dancing, the arctic temperatures, the pikey market called The Barras where people sold valuable items such as stolen children's bikes, Viagra, used doorknobs, and had a live auction for cuts of steak and designer perfumes. I wanted to write about Dougie and Cat in Glasgow, who took me in and are the best tour guides and friends anyone could ask for, Felix in Edinburgh for showing me the beautiful city, and all the amazing people I met.

Then I wanted to write about the petrifying fear I felt before leaving London, even though I tried to hide it. About my lip trembling on the plane, knowing that I am not brave, only curious and a bit distracted from reality. About how I know virtually nothing about where I was headed and definitely didn't speak the language. About feeling my heart sink to my stomach at the thought of all the wonderful people I left behind in London for yet another trip.

It was exactly this last thought as I waited in Qatar for my next flight to Thailand that I was informed about the riots. Political unrest blocking my way to the sunshine. How selfish of them! Those of you who know that Qatar is a predominately Muslim country also know they don't serve beer anywhere near the airport, so those were a few s l o w hours, but I managed to pass the time by befriending a fellow traveler, Jean Michel, who has become my new travel buddy and French tutor. We are finally allowed to head to Bangkok and an hour before we land are informed that they have re-closed the airport and that we're headed to Kuala Lumpor, Malaysia.

Perfect timing, Rachel. Way to go.

As usual, the Universe in its infinite wisdom has decided to mess up my plans. After countless hours waiting in airports we find out that Bangkok is closed and that we're headed to a hotel. The Crown Plaza, to be exact! Never would I abandon my traveler ways, but I was a bit overwhelmed by all the shiny expensive things and might have gotten a bit carried away. As I sit soaking in my giant bathtub with my fancy bubbles and oils I reflect on the events of the last few days, and can't help but feel a little guilty for staying in a five-star hotel while the people in Thailand hope a grenade doesn't go off near their house.

The last few days I've been reading a lot of news, and it's not just Thailand, but all over the world. One hundred and thirty dead in Mumbai in a dozen bombed buildings. Hostages still being kept hostage. Indian-Pakistani tensions. It's frustrating to sit here, to try to write down my thoughts and fears for this planet. There are so many ugly things in this world, all the killings, bombings, bloodshed, and for what? Politics. Religion. Hatred. Wealth. Poverty. Resentment. Fear. To never be able to turn on a TV or read a newspaper without hearing about destruction and despair.

The worst of it is how easy it has become to turn away. To tune out the bad news. To ignore what is going on in our world, the world we are supposed to share. What can I do? I don't have the answers I'm looking for, but I truly believe that each person makes their own mark in this world. Each person tries to make a change, a difference, even if it's in the simplicity of a smile or picking up a piece of trash on the street. What I think I'm trying to find here is a little inner-peace, to know I am doing something worthwhile and helping where I can. We can't all go join the United Nations and fight injustice with our bare hands, but I know, without a doubt, that we do what we can in our own special way.

Because what would this world be like if we didn't help each other out every once in a while?